6 “Big Little Lies” We Believe

by | Jun 10, 2016 | Spiritual Growth | 15 comments

Have you ever wrestled with haunting thoughts like “I’m not worthy of God’s love”? Have you been puzzled by the fact that you are a Christian but succumb to destructive thoughts? You know that you’ve been bought with the blood of Christ and yet you continue to experience negative feelings and devastating defeat.

Many people have discouraging messages echoing in their minds. We try our best to hide them, but they are always lurking in the darkness, reminding us of our greatest fear. . .that we are worthless and undesired. The evil one deceptively uses the harsh things in our lives to destroy our innocence and define what we believe about ourselves and others. He brands lies into our hearts that act as a barrier to keep us from trusting others, especially our heavenly Father.

Carefully consider the following “big little lies” that I’ve struggled with to see if you can identify with them:

  1. I am a detestable piece of trash. Actually, that is the cleaned up version. Whenever I did something that upset my mother she would blurt out an expletive. In time, I believed that she was upset with “who I am” rather than “what I’ve done.” Hearing this over and over again made me feel like I was worthless.
  2. I am unwanted and will never belong to anyone. I felt like something was terribly wrong with me because my parents didn’t seem to want me. I developed an orphan mentality, identifying with real and fictional children who had no parents or parents that didn’t want them. I was lonely and afraid and felt like I didn’t belong to anyone.
  3. I can’t trust God or anyone because no one protected me. I couldn’t understand why people who should have loved and protected me hurt me instead. More importantly, I wondered where God was when those bad things happened. Because of this I became strong and independent. I was afraid to need or want anyone because it was excruciatingly painful when they let me down.
  4. If people really know me they will hate me. Since I had been prematurely awakened sexually, I had no healthy boundaries, which allowed people to take advantage of me. As a result, I lived a life of duplicity. I was a good girl who tried to please everyone, but I also had a hidden side that lied and did sexual things to myself and others. I believed that if anyone knew the real me they would be disgusted.
  5. I need to hurt myself. From the time I was a small child I believed I deserved to be punished. As a result I began peeling my fingernails into the quick until they bled. It sounds absurd, but this soothing pain was strangely comforting. At times I still struggle to keep from hurting myself. In a way, I am addicted to pain like an alcoholic who craves the numbing effect of a drink.
  6. I hate myself and want to die. Over the years I have thought of hundreds of ways to take my life. In this state of irrational thinking, I honestly believed that everyone would be better off if I was dead.

I’ve shared my story with people all around the world, and even though their experiences have been different from mine, all of them can identify with many of these lies. This tells me that Satan is crafty but not creative. When we align our minds with Satan’s lies we form an unspoken agreement that allows him to gain a destructive stronghold in our lives. Then the lies seem so true that we believe they are who we are. When we reject the lies and align our minds with the truth of God we find a stronghold of protection in the Holy One. This is a place of safety and rest.

As I fought against the lies and formed an allegiance with the truth of God, strongholds were torn down and I finally realized that I am not defined by what I did or what people did to me. I am defined by what Christ did for me! With this knowledge the lies came out of the darkness as God shed His glorious light upon them.

The lie that said I am a detestable piece of trash came out of the darkness as I embraced the truth. Now I know that I am precious in God’s sight and am the apple of His eye. God is restoring my child-like innocence as I climb up on His lap and receive His love.

The lie that said I am unwanted and rejected and will never belong to anyone lost its power as I chose to believe that God has chosen me for His own and adopted me into His family. Everyone desires a place to belong, a place in the world. As I bow my pain before the Lord He is showing me that I belong to Him and restoring fullness of life to all my broken places.

The lie that said I can’t trust God or anyone because no one protected me shifted as I understood that God was fighting a spiritual battle for me in the heavenlies and that even though evil people hurt my body He saved my soul for Himself. When my trust in others died I became hyper-vigilant and cautious. When I allowed the Holy Spirit to shine His light upon the lie He restored rest in my life.

The lie that said If people really know me they will hate me was broken. Although I wasn’t loved as a child, I am not an unlovable person. I’ve found that people love me more when I am real and honest about my struggles. My pain had caused me to become wild and restless on the inside, but this truth helped me to become comfortable with who I am in Christ. Now I am becoming free to be me.

The lie that said I need to hurt myself in order to feel something was one of the hardest ones to conquer. That’s because I felt that it was necessary to punish myself by shedding my own blood. The Bible teaches that the only way to overcome the evil one is by the blood of the Lamb. As I recognized the truth, that Jesus died on the cross and bore all the pain and shame for me, I realized that I don’t have to hurt myself in order to feel like I am alive. When I hurt myself I am denying that Christ’s death was enough.

The lie that said I hate myself and want to die was changed. Now I realize that I was an innocent little girl and bad people did bad things to me—but that didn’t make me bad. I can experience God right here on earth and don’t have to die in order to be with Him. As I have bowed the loss of hope before the Lord He is restoring joy in my life and I am finding glorious hope in Him!

There are two different voices calling out to us. The voice of God speaks words of truth and life that bring freedom. The voice of the evil one speaks in the darkness with lies and accusations.
Which one will you choose to believe?

15 Comments

  1. Donna Dunn

    Bev, you are an amazing woman to tell your story so transparently.

    Reply
    • Bev DeSalvo

      Thanks Donna. God has asked me to be a voice for His wounded children so how could I not share my story?

      Reply
  2. Kathy

    Oh those big little lies! Most started when we were little and not able to process truth. Yet they continue to direct our thoughts and emotions as we “grow up”. So grateful for our even bigger God who renews our thoughts and heals our emotions. Good word Bev! Great reminder!

    Reply
    • Bev DeSalvo

      You are so right! They begin as little lies in little boys and girls and grow into something that defines who we think we are. Praise God for loving us enough to take us on a broken road so that we can find rest in His embrace.

      Reply
  3. Kym Taylor

    Love you, Bev. Thanks for sharing this clear and spiritually sensitive message. It will have positive ramifications on both me and my parenting.

    Reply
    • Bev DeSalvo

      Sweet Kim. I so wish that I had understood this when Sarah and Daniel were little. God, in His graceful way, protected them from a lot of the baggage I carried. I love and miss you guys.

      Reply
  4. Leslie

    Numbers 3 and 5 resonate with me still today. I didn’t not have sexual abuse but much physical and psychological, emotional abuse. My mother saw me as a rival even as a small child. She is a phycopath whom everyone thought was an angel thus no one believed a word I said. At 55 I am finally free from her grip and healthier than ever, though I still struggle knowing the Lord truly loves me unconditionally. God is good and faithful.

    Reply
    • Bev DeSalvo

      I so understand mother wounds… they can cut to the core of who we are. Satan loves to use the fiery darts of hateful messages spoken through our mothers to wound us deeply and make us feel like we will never belong to anyone. God wants all of to know the depth of His love in a way that coarses through us with electrifying power. That’s my prayer for you, sweet friend.

      Reply
      • Leslie

        Thank you Bev. I do so need that knowledge, desperately. Being beaten was the easy part. Being hated and and blamed for every bad thing that ever happened messed, and still, messes me up. But, The Lord has intervened and protected me far more than I ever understood. I haven’t read your book but plan to. I’ve heard it is a catalist for understanding and healing and I can always benefit from more of that.

        Reply
        • Bev DeSalvo

          I’m going to be teaching a class on Return to Joy at TBC on Monday mornings and I’d love to have you join us if you can. I’m praying for you.

          Reply
  5. Jane

    Bev, I just want to thank you for sharing your story. I also grew up being abused in much the same way from a very young age.Your book has given me so much comfort as I’m sure it will each woman who reads it. God bless you.

    Reply
    • Bev DeSalvo

      Thank you so much for your encouraging words. I alway second guess myself, wondering how people will respond to my story. If it was only to give you hope then it was worth it.

      Reply
  6. Raleigh

    Its such as you learn my mind! You appear to know so much about this, like you wrote the guide in it or something. I feel that you simply can do with some percent to drive the message home a little bit, however other than that, that is magnificent blog. An excellent read. I’ll definitely be back.

    Reply
    • Bev DeSalvo

      Thanks for expressing your thoughts. I’m simply writing out of my own brokenness.

      Reply

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