The Love of God Healed Me
Is it possible for someone to find healing from the “I want to die” kind of pain? You know… the kind that sneaks up on you like a robber, stealing your joy and leaving you confused and heart broken. It doesn’t matter what your anguish stems from…divorce, the death of a loved one, emotional, physical or sexual trauma or any other obstacle you face, we live in a very fallen world. This means that we have a broken road to walk at times.
I understand this well, because for many years I was haunted by the nightmares of my past…painful rejection and shameful abuse. There were times when I felt like death would be better than life because it would take away the overwhelming fear and loneliness that tried to suffocate me. The evil one used the lies associated with these memories to form a strong barrier, keeping me from trusting God and others. And even though I consistently studied the Bible, I had long ago aligned my mind with Satan’s falsehoods and accusations. As a result, I became trapped in one of Satan’s strongholds where the lies seem truer than God’s truth.
Then something amazing happened. God met me in worship and His love began to heal me. As I entered His throne room in reverence, I bowed my sorrows before His feet. Oh, how I wrestled with Him in the beginning, asking hard questions, like “Where were you when those bad things happened to me?” Then slowly, He began to speak His loving truth over me…and I was undone.
As the lies I believed about myself began to disperse, I felt as though I was waking up from a nightmare. Instead of being defined by these devious falsehoods, the Holy One gently revealed that I am His beloved daughter. When this finally penetrated the depth of who I am, the pieces of my broken heart were put back together…and I found that it is indeed possible to be healed from the “I want to die” kind of pain.
We can find healing when we bow our pain, no matter how great or small, before the Lord and allow His love to soften our hardened hearts. As we align our minds with the truth – that we are deeply loved by our heavenly Father, Satan’s stronghold is broken. Then we find a stronghold of protection in the Holy One. Although it’s not easy, as we press into Him in worship we find comfort from the painful things in life…and the love of God can heal us.
“May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” (Ephesians 3:19)